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Folks, I know that your neck of the woods is different and special. I know you want to live in an exciting and dynamic place. It’s good to be wanted and to feel special. But please, do not, under any circumstances, say any of the following, lest ye be found in a dumpster in Muscle Shoals.

“We’ve got two seasons around here: winter and road construction.”

“If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes!”

“(one-word adjective for the current state of extreme weather) enough for ya?”