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Once again, it’s everybody’s favorite public drinking holiday, the South Side Irish St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Bring your kids and stay on the east side of Western Avenue or bring a bottle of Jameson and stagger about on the west side. Be sure to wear your steel toed boots, wear everything green you own and share a spill with your fellow revelers.

“Board the windows, up your car insurance and don’t leave any booze in plain sight. It’s St. Patrick’s day in Chicago again. The legend has it that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. In fact, he was arrested for drunk driving. The snakes left because people kept throwing up on them.”